Shouting and screaming when angry, crying over every little thing, hiding feelings and emotions, reacting rather than responding, taking things personally, not being able to stand up for my beliefs, being a people pleaser, spending nights like an owl, scared of being alone, panic and anxiety attacks, overeating and emotional eating, all of this and more was the essence of my life since God knows when.
In the past, I let my life be driven by others. Every decision, good or bad was taken for me, never really giving me the choice to do what i wanted. If an oppurtunity did arrive, i was too scared to step up or even show up. I questioned my thoughts, my intentions and most of all my intelligence.
Am I clever enough?
Am I capable of taking this decision?
Am I doing the right thing?
Am I responsible enough?
What if I fail?
What if no one likes me?
What if I disappoint my family and friends?
I had nothing but defeating questions and negative remarks for motivating myself. Others opinion of me didnt help the thought process either. I would start things and never finish. This bad habit also stayed glued to me for a long time. I would take up courses or a task and then let my brain take me on a rollercoaster ride. At the end of it all, i was back to square one, or sometimes a square before that.
Past few years, things started to turn around for me. I felt like I had to change. I needed to step up. I didnt want to be in my old age, relying on others, financially, physically or emotionally. I wanted to be in control of my life. I didnt want to be a people pleaser anymore. I wanted to please myself for once.
After all I deserved the world.
So, beginning of this year, at the advice of a beautiful soul, I threw myself into the the deep end. Even though, i had taken few steps to self discovery in the past, this year was different. I pulled my thoughts together, got my nerves in control, and just took a dive.
Believe me when I say this,
ITS NOT EASY!!!
ITS NOT A BED OF ROSES!!!
IT TAKES ALL THAT YOU GOT!!!
ITS WORTH IT AT THE END.
Alhamdolillah, I managed to achieve something I never thought was possible………
TO BE SOMEONE.
That someone was no other than ME. I realised my true worth, my true potential and accepted it with open arms. I made myself proud. I started to show up and step up for myself.
End result………………I AM HAPPIER. I am not questioning myself anymore. Becoming a Certified Life Coach, was a part of this journey. My journey isnt over yet. I have loads on my bucket list, which by the permission of ALLAH SWT, i will tick checked, as i go along.
In the coming few months, I will add to my certifications, In sha ALLAH. These certications are more than just certifications to me. I have learnt so much more from them, than to just help clients. I have been my first client from day one. These qualifications are helping me help my self, which is more than what i signed up for.
Over the years, i have realised something, that as women we always put others first, their needs are priority. The words THEY, THEIR, OTHERS, and more words like these are very heavy to live with. We live and breathe for the world and the people in it. Always making sure our families and communities are well taken care of, our spouses or partners are happy with us, our bosses are pleased with our work. We cant fail anyone else, because THEY need us.
What about our needs?
What about our happiness?
What about our health and well being?
WHAT ABOUT US?
About time we put ourselves first and let the world follow.